Little Lovie,
I want to tell you that I think about you everyday. It's amazing to me that I can feel so much love and yearning for someone that only exists in the hands of Jesus. I just know He is going to send you to us soon. He knows the perfect time for you enter this world and our family.
I am sitting in my chaise lounge in the living room this evening watching Deal or No Deal on TV and I feel so sick and crabby because of this medicine that I am taking. It is going to help me start a new cycle so we can have one more chance to try to concieve you on our own before our IUI next month. I keep thinking about what a little miracle you are going to be and how much your daddy and I are going to spoil you. There are so many people praying for you and waiting for Jesus to send you to us. Your little life is such a testimony to God's grace and you are not even here on earth yet. That is so amazing to me. I can't wait to see what God is going to do with your little life when you are here with us.
Do you know that your dad and I talk about you all the time? We say things like, "When our baby comes we are really going to have to baby proof this place" and "I know we are not even prego yet, but I found this cute baby blanket that I just had to get". And your dad says all the time, "That was a cool stroller. Let's go look at those this weekend. You know our kids have to have a cool sroller."
Although your dad and I are very happy together all by ourselves, we know our family will be so much more complete when you join us. Sometimes I get so anxious for you that I take pregnancy tests in the middle of my cycle (even though I know there is no chance for it to be positive) just because I think maybe God has performed a miracle and this test will miraculously be positive. You have such a crazy mommy. I hope you don't inherit those genes!!!
Your grandparents are also anxious for the day you come to this world. Grammy (my mom) talks about you all the time. She is so excited that sometimes I wonder if your daddy and I will even get to see you once you are born.!! I have a feeling she will be stealing you from us all the time! Your Nana (Daddy's mom) is totally convinced that you are going to come to our family "naturally" with out too much medical intervention. She helps me think of names. We came up with a whole list one evening...although, we have changed it several times since!! I can't wait for you to meet them (and your aunts and uncles, of course) You will be one loved baby, that is for sure.
Oh baby, I want to meet you so badly and yet I know that our gracious heavenly Father has a perfect plan for you and your dad and I. As badly as I want you, I want to obey and honor Him so much more. I trust Him completely without any waivering and know that above all HIS WILL will be done.
I love you baby and am yearning for the day when Jesus gives you to me!
((HUGS))
---Your Future Mommy
Cape San Blas
7 years ago
5 comments:
You made me remember something I had forgotten....you know Arthur and my situation...well, for the first few years, on occasion we would buy little baby things and set them away. I had a drawer where I put them all for "one day." Well, I hadn't thought of that drawer in a long time until you mentioned that you and Todd do that as well. I don't think I am up to going to look at it, but it was nice to remember that we had oe.
That is so sweet- you'll have to print it out for his/her baby book one day! :)
Praying for you!
Hey you stole my unique and cool background/blog layout!!! =)
That is so sweet. I'll be praying for you guys on the journey. I can't wait to meet the precious gift God is going to give you one day!
Hi Priscilla,
I found your blog a week or two ago through Rebecca W's blog. Needless to say I've spent many an hour crying my eyes out reading about your struggles and your stories. Although I haven't experienced anything close to what you have been through I thought I could offer what encouragement I can. After baby #1 came along my cycles returned at 6 1/2 wks, that was a shocker and then baby #2 was on the way when #1 was 6 1/2 mo. old. After baby #2 my cycles didn't return for 14 mo.! Both I have been told can be completely normal for a breastfeeding mom but boy did I ever feel broken! I felt like I wasn't working. I then got pregnant again but could not pass a test until I was about 9 1/2 wks along. I was elated when I found out and then just a few 4 wks later I started bleeding and cramping. I went to see my midwife and she did an ultrasound and confirmed that the baby was dead and probably had died right after I found out I was pregnant. Oh my soul just cried so badly. It was a week later before I passed the baby at 15 wks along and I had no idea it was going to be like going through labor but God was good and he helped me through. My cycles are always very late and when I actually started 4 wks later I accepted it as the next best thing to being pregnant, to actually have an on time cycle! I was doing okay until I did the math and realized my mom had gotten pregnant the month after her miscarriage (I had thought it was 3 months later) and then I just broke down as an emotional basket case when I had a 2nd cycle. God helped me through that month and so undeservingly I found myself pregnant the next month. It was a pregnancy full of fear for all around it was death. My friend had 3 miscarriages between 5-7 wks, another friend due 3 wks after me had her baby at 23 wks and he only lived for 3 wks and then a 3rd friend carried her baby until 41 1/2 wks gestation and then he died in utero a day before he was born. I promise I don't say any of these things to scare you only to share with you how God showed me that I was never "safe" after a certain time point, my prior miscarriage having been at 15 wks and then all this. He thoroughly taught me to trust in him. My daughter's name is Mercy Ameris, it means compassion and promise of God, which is exactly what she is to us. I had debated on whether to write you at all but somehow in my earlier readings I missed this post and when I read it tonight I felt like I should write. I saw in another post that you had been taking a multiple vitamin and vit B which I think is fantastic! I truly believe the multiple helped me out to get my body in line along with a B complex, a vit E supplement and I was taking a liquid iodine supplement (which supports thyroid function) which as you probably know helps hormones and fertility and such. A great book if you were interested in looking into the herbal side of things would be _Naturally Healthy Pregnancy_ by Shonda Parker. Her website is: http://www.naturallyhealthy.org/ and also on this page on some great products under the Tri-Light Pregnancy Formula Guide which I have used some before and would use again if I felt the need. Well, I'll leave you for now, sorry for writing a book on you comment page. Looking forward to seeing God's blessings on your family. It was a blessing to see you rejoice in the birth of your nephew, I know how hard it can be sometimes when the Lord takes us through trials as close to the heart and sensitive as that one must have been. Prayers to you ~ Jenifer (Smith) Terrizzi :)
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