I'm Throwing Myself A Party....

.... a pity-party that is. No one is invited but me, because quite frankly, I don't feel like being around anyone who isn't in a bad mood. I am hanging up streamers that bear the phrase "Why Me?". I am hanging half-inflated balloons. I am playing "find imaginary lines on pregnancy tests" and listening to depressing music.
Yes, I understand this is going to accomplish absolutely nothing. I understand it negates all of the belief, faith, hope and patience that I am striving for. I understand that it probably won't make me feel better. But, since I don't smoke, drink or do drugs.... I figure this will have to do. Although I am thinking of treating myself to a big glass of wine tonight! :)

I am generally not a sad, depressed person. On the contrary, I used to be very active and fun. I'm not quite sure I know that person anymore. Even when I'm not throwing pity-parties, I don't quite feel like my old self. I feel like TTC has stolen her away for a while. I have been told by others who have suffered through this journey and come out successful that the "old you" returns when your goal is accomplished. I am hoping this is the case.

I am sure when my party is over and I turn out the lights to go to bed, I will find peace again... I always do. His mercy is new every morning. He gives grace beyond measure. But for now.... I just want to waller in self-pity.

I am editing this post to add my pity-party video. I found it on YouTube. Only wacth it if you have a tissue handy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrFO-L8Rpas