Well, last cycle was a bust. I took Clomid (which is supposed to make you ovulate) on CD's 3-7. Needless to say it didn't even work; I didn't ovulate. I called the doctor to try and get a higher dosage but after playing phone tag for a week, the nurse called me today and said she still hadn't gotten an answer from the doctor. Bottom line: I have to take another round of 50 mg. this month.
I have to say I am getting frustrated with my doctor's office. I feel like I am just getting shuffled around and ignored. I think I have decided to start looking around for another OB.
This month I feel frustrated and worn out. I am tired of going through all of this and ready to throw in the towel. I am dreading taking the Clomid because of the side effects and really don't see the point in taking it if it might not even work. It feels like a never ending cycle of disappointment.
Last week the guest speaker said at our church that just because you trust God and rely fully on Him through a situation DOES NOT MEAN that you will not feel emotional stress and disappointment while waiting. I believe this is where I am at right now. I trust God fully and know that He will send us children in His timing. And yet as a human and a woman I go through this emotional roller coaster frusteration and doubt every month (for 4 years). Some months I feel like strapping on my army boots and tromping through the situation and other months I feel like crawling in a ditch and giving up.
This month not only do I want to crawl in the ditch, I feel comfortable in the ditch. I like the ditch. I like laying here crying. I don't want to get up and fight again. I am beginning to feel like this is the end of the road for me...for a while at least. I guess we will see. Emotions are a funny thing, they change more frequently than I care to count so who knows what next month will bring.
I have decided for this cycle of Clomid I will take my temperature in the mornings just until I can confirm ovulation and then I am going to put the charts and thermometer away and be done with all of it for a while.
Sorry for the downer post....I promise the next one will be a little more happy!! :)
Cape San Blas
7 years ago
4 comments:
ugh. . .Cilla, I feel your frustration and pain. . .
Love you girl!
I am sorry you are having a rough time. We are praying for you.
Cilla,
It is so frustrating that your dr's office isn't more available to you, especially knowing how long you have been going through this.
I took 50mg of clomid 3 cycles. The first cycle I didn't ovulate until day 21...the second cycle day 16 and the third cycle day 23. I went to the dr in tears thinking clomid wasn't working for me and a few days later found out I was pregnant with Mylan. I am saying this because maybe the 50mg will work this cycle even if it didn't work last one...
Continued prayers,
Robyn
Yes, the lovely, bumpy, frustrating road of infertility! After 10 years, Arthur and I have thrown in the towel, we are slowly getting used to saying "we're not having children unless God decides otherwise." No more pills, no more temperatures, no more adoption websites...no more. Arthur and I are learning to enjoy each other again and I have started to pick up other hobbies (as you can tell from my blog) to keep me moving forward.
Keep striving girl - truly hoping for you both.
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