My journey has taken a turn. My journey of hope has turned from hope for a child to hope that my dad will be cured of terminal cancer.
Dad has been sick the past couple of weeks. We took him to the ER Sunday morning thinking he might have a galbladder issue. The CT scan showed that dad has esophagial cancer that has spread to his stomach, intestines, back and bones. The admitted him in the hospital Sunday evening and we have been here since.
The doctor came in yesterday and gave his final prognosis. Terminal Esophagial Cancer (Stage 4), a couple of months at the most to live.
So, I am sitting here in my dads hospital room trying to get out my thoughts. He just got back from having a stint put in his esophagus. This will bypass the tumor and allow him to swallow food. He is uncomfortable and is burping alot from the procedure.
There are so many details that I should fill in, but I just can't bear to go back and type them. I guess they will come in time. For now I know that dad is resting and that we have family and friends surrounding us.
There are prayer warriors up here all day and most of the night. We serve The Great Physician. He is alive and here in the room with us. He is able to heal my dad if it is His almighty will. If it is not in His perfect will to heal my daddy, then dad will go to heaven and I will see him again one day! I can, and am, resting in that peace. I have to. I cannot function if I don't.
Dad is strong and calm. He has a great faith. You just can't imagine how great it is. He is readyt o be home and out of the uncomfortable hospital bed. We are deciding tonight as a family about treatment and how we want to handle this once dad is home.
I need to say that we are so thankful for the prayer and encouragement we are receiving. We have one request, though. Because this was so sudden for us, there are some loose ends with dads business that we need to tie up before word gets out to some of the people he is working with. So for the sake of our family, please do not use my dads full name when asking for prayer. Meaning, "some friends of ours" or "a family member" is appropriate for now. Just give us a week or so, to wrap some stuff up, please.
I have decided to "journal" through this process. When the dr. came in to give dad his prognosis, I had my laptop open and felt like I needed to type my random thoughts. I wanted to share them with you.
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Dad is so strong. The guy had cancer eating his body and he thought he had a flu bug. What is that? An ox.
Dad has been sick the past couple of weeks. We took him to the ER Sunday morning thinking he might have a galbladder issue. The CT scan showed that dad has esophagial cancer that has spread to his stomach, intestines, back and bones. The admitted him in the hospital Sunday evening and we have been here since.
The doctor came in yesterday and gave his final prognosis. Terminal Esophagial Cancer (Stage 4), a couple of months at the most to live.
So, I am sitting here in my dads hospital room trying to get out my thoughts. He just got back from having a stint put in his esophagus. This will bypass the tumor and allow him to swallow food. He is uncomfortable and is burping alot from the procedure.
There are so many details that I should fill in, but I just can't bear to go back and type them. I guess they will come in time. For now I know that dad is resting and that we have family and friends surrounding us.
There are prayer warriors up here all day and most of the night. We serve The Great Physician. He is alive and here in the room with us. He is able to heal my dad if it is His almighty will. If it is not in His perfect will to heal my daddy, then dad will go to heaven and I will see him again one day! I can, and am, resting in that peace. I have to. I cannot function if I don't.
Dad is strong and calm. He has a great faith. You just can't imagine how great it is. He is readyt o be home and out of the uncomfortable hospital bed. We are deciding tonight as a family about treatment and how we want to handle this once dad is home.
I need to say that we are so thankful for the prayer and encouragement we are receiving. We have one request, though. Because this was so sudden for us, there are some loose ends with dads business that we need to tie up before word gets out to some of the people he is working with. So for the sake of our family, please do not use my dads full name when asking for prayer. Meaning, "some friends of ours" or "a family member" is appropriate for now. Just give us a week or so, to wrap some stuff up, please.
I have decided to "journal" through this process. When the dr. came in to give dad his prognosis, I had my laptop open and felt like I needed to type my random thoughts. I wanted to share them with you.
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Dad is so strong. The guy had cancer eating his body and he thought he had a flu bug. What is that? An ox.
Shocked. Unbelief. Pain. No sleep. Quick. New.
Dad surrendered to the doctor. He wants help. Dad gets it.
The doctor seems intrigued that dad had esophagus problems when he was an infant. Interesting. The doctor understands a little better now.
Here comes some news. I’m not ready to hear it. I’m anxious. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I don’t want to hear it. AHHHHHHH.
Dad’s not ready to hear it yet. His voice is week. He’s so damn optimistic.
The Dr. is trying to get the words out gently. Just say it already.
The doctor is leaning towards esophogial cancer. He has blood clots around his liver. This is a clotting disorder due to the cancer.
Calm. Why are we so calm? Why is dad calm?
Mom is asking what stage 4 is. Mom is regretting not knowing sooner. The dr. says this is normal. Our bodies have an extreme capacity to adapt. This is why we couldn’t find symptoms before. By the time you get symptoms, you are already at stage 3 or 4.
Am I really in this room? Is this really happening? Dad is sitting up and shaking a little. Dad is saying he doesn’t want to treat it. Let’s just let it happen. The dr. says he can, but he will only have a couple of months.
The dr. leaves. Mom speaks, “The Lord directs our paths. We haven’t walked this way before. The Lord has gone before us.”
Dad states that it is hard to hear. He is absorbing it in. “I am not going past today. I don’t want to go there yet”, Dad says. Mom says she wants to enjoy everyday and dad says he will not lay in this bed. He wants to go home. He’s hungry.
Shock. Disbelief. Hard to hear. Mom sits next to dad on the bed and holds his hand.
God told me to listen to The Voice of Truth. Unbelief is our enemy.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good.
The Dr. is trying to get the words out gently. Just say it already.
The doctor is leaning towards esophogial cancer. He has blood clots around his liver. This is a clotting disorder due to the cancer.
Calm. Why are we so calm? Why is dad calm?
Mom is asking what stage 4 is. Mom is regretting not knowing sooner. The dr. says this is normal. Our bodies have an extreme capacity to adapt. This is why we couldn’t find symptoms before. By the time you get symptoms, you are already at stage 3 or 4.
Am I really in this room? Is this really happening? Dad is sitting up and shaking a little. Dad is saying he doesn’t want to treat it. Let’s just let it happen. The dr. says he can, but he will only have a couple of months.
The dr. leaves. Mom speaks, “The Lord directs our paths. We haven’t walked this way before. The Lord has gone before us.”
Dad states that it is hard to hear. He is absorbing it in. “I am not going past today. I don’t want to go there yet”, Dad says. Mom says she wants to enjoy everyday and dad says he will not lay in this bed. He wants to go home. He’s hungry.
Shock. Disbelief. Hard to hear. Mom sits next to dad on the bed and holds his hand.
God told me to listen to The Voice of Truth. Unbelief is our enemy.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good.
10 comments:
Cil,
Thank you for posting this. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do something like that and to face this head on. Know, please know, that there are people all over the world praying for your Dad and your family right now. My heart is completely broken for you all, but I know Ephesians 3:20-21 says, "Our God is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or even think, according to the power that works in us."
I can't even tell you the ways your Dad (and Mom) have touched my life and encouraged me over the years. I love you all and am prayig constantly!
Rebecca
Cilla,
I've never been on the receiving end of the news, but I've been there with plenty of families as they go through this journey together. Your parents have an amazing outlook - their faith is their foundation, I love how you described your mom sitting on the side of your dad's bed holding his hand. Those are the types of images that I would imprint on my mind as a cancer nurse, imprint them on yours too. Look past the fear and wrap yourself in their love (and in the love of your Heavenly Father).
Thinking of your family -
Gloria
I walked a similar -- yet different path with my Daddy. I can relate.
You know we are praying & will do anything we can to help. Email or call me -- any time!
Mt heart is breaking, yet clinging to the promises of God. Like you said, we serve the Great Physician and we'll be praying He chooses to heal your dad. I have so many special memories of him that I will hold dear to me forever. I will be praying daily for him and for your family. Will you please let us know if there is anything at all I can do for you or your family. We love you!
Tears in my eyes. I think how your dad would say that last sentence all the time. We love y'all so much.
Strawberry rose
Cil- I'm sitting here in shock. What in the world?!?! I'm so sorry about this news and am sure that you have never clung so closely to your family and faith as you are now. I can definitely imagine your mom saying what she did to your dad... she is such a strong woman. I am praying for you, your family, your dad... Uncle Doug... Oh, I wish I could be there right now. I will stay in touch and pass the word around to people we know here. We will be praying.
And, yes... God is good. May He be glorified at this time.
I love you, Cil...
Court
Cilla- My heart is breaking for your family and yet I know that God is still good and has a plan. We are praying for all of you!
Know that we are praying for your dad and your family. Love Ann
Know that we are praying for you, Priscilla. My heart aches for you and your family right now. Praying for God's peace and comfort to overwhelm your heart.
I just want you to know we are praying for you! I encourage you to get the book CHRIST THE HEALER by F.F. Bosworth. An awesome completely scriptural book about what God says about healing!
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